Tin Whistle

Anthony played a song on his tin whistle in opening at CC Friday. He did a great job. He was the only one who volunteered. I'm so proud of him for having the courage to do it even though he was super nervous.

8 Years

From the first time I laid eyes on him until now... just madly in love with this kid. 

He tells me he wants to live with me forever. I'm totally ok with that. But, this world has too much to offer him. He is going to go and do amazing things. I'm ok with that, too. 

As long as I always get to kiss his adorable face. 

Day 29 kiss... my sunkissed little boy. #FMSphotoaday

Peach Crisp

Ingredients:

3 large peaches, sliced

2 T cornstarch

2 T sugar

1/2 t cinnamon

1/4 t nutmeg

1/8 t ginger

Toss together in a 2 qt casserole dish.

1/2 c gluten free oats

1/4 almond flour

1/4 gluten free flour

2/3 c brown sugar

 pinch of salt

4 T butter

Mix the oats, flours, sugar, and salt. Cut in the butter until crumbly.

Cover the fruit with the topping and bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes or 

until it's golden brown and bubbly and you just can't wait any longer. 

On Bella Turning 12

This little girl is one year away from being a teenager. 

How can you love on someone everyday for 12 years and then somehow feel like you missed it all?

Lately, my newsfeed has been filled with pictures of brand new babies. I love it. It always brings me back to those days when my littles were actually little. 

I remember everything about this day. We were taking pictures for Christmas.

I've been thinking a lot about what I would tell myself if I was starting over as a new mama. Since all of the new mamas I know are fantasticly amazing at what they do and are in no need of my advice, I will instead offer it up to the internet instead. Here you go...

Everyone is going to tell you to cherish every moment with this new baby. But, there are going to be moments that you not only don't cherish, but that you just want to forget. You're not doing anything wrong. We are sinful people raising sinful children. It's going to be hard sometimes. Just give that moment to Jesus and let it go.

Be fierce about protecting your marriage. Right now, this little baby is your whole world, requiring every bit of your time and energy. But, that baby is going to grow up and turn 12 and this man is going to be your only ally. The years with littles are crazy hard and it's easy to make your marriage second, don't. This is sacred ground. Guard it with your life.

Lastly, trust yourself. God did not set you up to fail when He gave you this child. He will help you know what to do. I rocked my babies to sleep every night even when all the books said to put them in their crib. I do not regret one night spent holding them as they surrendered to sleep because it was what I felt was right. Listen to the advice of people you love and trust, consider it prayerfully, and then follow your heart. Lean hard on God, He won't let you fall.

Thoughts on this week

I think the above quote sums up how I feel about the picture below. I've walked this road before, I was just wearing different shoes. 

My mom told me that when I was in the hospital as a child, I hated getting my IV out more than getting it put in. The nurses told her that it was because I associated my IV with being well. Outside is where I get sick, in here, I am well. That was how I made sense of the world. All of those fears over leaving the hospital came flooding back this weekend as we were bringing Anthony home. I was able to be brave in the ICU, he was getting better by the hour. Now that he is well and at home, I'm scared that maybe he won't stay that way. He just caught a cold virus and eventually he will catch another. I can't protect him from them and that is what scares me.
I think I had convinced myself that the one other time he'd been hospitalized was just an isolated occurrence. I thought once his lungs got a little bigger he would be fine. 

He wasn't like me.
Then this happened.
It's impossible for me to look at this any other way except through my own experience. The mask he wears during his breathing treatments smells exactly like the ones I used to use and nothing triggers the memory like a familiar scent.
I guess what I have to do now is stay in this moment. The past is the past and I can't change the future no matter how hard I try. At this moment he is happy, healthy, and full of life. I praise God for that! We've done all we can do to get him well and keep him well. Today, he's doing awesome... maybe a little ornery... but still awesome.