This is how I want to pray

"Second, [after the prayers for the believing dead] the Church prays for all the dead. This is more difficult, since it looks as though they might have gone completely beyond the pale of prayer if they have not been part of the fellowship of the Church. But they are still part of the huge fabric of Creation, and nothing in that fabric is beyond the scope of mercy. We cannot tell God what to do with them or speak with any certainty of what he is at any given point doing with them, but we can commend them to the mystery of His mercy, as we commend all things thus. We must not be too hasty or fierce or cavalier in reaching conclusions about the judgement that Scripture spells out. God is the judge; we are priests, part of whose ministry is to offer prayer for all people."

Thomas Howard, Evangelical is Not Enough